Have you ever woken up from a dream before, literally laughing, because it was that ridiculous and you knew it, even in such a groggy state of half-consciousness? I just had to roll myself out of bed to get this one down before I forgot it. Though I’ve already lost the vast majority of the events that took place into the recesses of my mind, the hillarious encounter I still remember in vivid detail.
I was at some kind of party that I’d thrown at my own house. It was open to pretty much everyone and anyone who wanted to come, and there was tons of food gallore; turkey, fruit wheels, sammiches, soft drinks, salmon, steaks; all of the yummy stuff you probably can’t find in a third world country! So anyway, all throughout the party, there were these two girls; one whose name I did not know, and another that went by the name of “Miranda”. They were both talking amongst each other quietly as they sat at one of the many food-covered tables… snickering and looking my way, every so often. I could ignore it at first, because 1.) I wasn’t sure if it was really me they were laughing at, and 2.) even if they were, it wasn’t that big a deal; granted, this was probably my conscious sensibilities seaping between the cracks of my mind and into my dream.
As time progressed, they continued to do this and I was getting more and more aggitated. I found Miranda to be particularly annoying, in part because she seemed to be more aggressively obnoxious in her mannerisms, and also just because she looked really prissy. God I hate prissy bitches… or at least I did in this dream..? Anyway, she was bleech blonde with really tan skin, her hair cropped short so that it barely brushed her shoulders. She had on a tiny white sweater, a pink t-shirt, and jeans. I was in the living room chatting with some guests, where I sideglanced to see if the two girls were still laughing to each and looking my way — and indeed they were.
By this point, I’d had enough. I waltzed right over to them and with an angry swing of my left hand, I batted the open fruit wheel off the table and onto the ground. I then slammed both my hands on the table, looked Miranda dead in the eye, and asked what was so damn funny, to which she replied, “I just hate you!” with a sneer.
“Oh, really?” I ask.
“Mm-hmm!” was her response, with an exaggerated nod and a mock-smile.
I lashed out with my right hand, slapping her hard across the face with a closed fist. She gasped in surprise as the hair on the left side of her head was knocked to the right side in a cowlick with the force of the blow. I waited a short moment for retaliation. Both girls just stared at me, speechlessly — the first time I’d seen them quiet over the course of the evening. When a returned swing did not come, I simply told them both to “Stay tha fuck away from me or my sistas from the hood would bust a cap in they ass,” then I rambled on as I walked away with things like, “Bitches be trippin’ up in this shit, yo” and “Dis be how we do sucka what’cha gon’ do son” etc. etc. Basically, I think from that point on my I.Q. was meeting a steady decline. It was pretty awesome.
After I got done being very, very ghetto and pwn, I later found out that they up and left. I sure showed them.
…And that’s about when I woke up. I really should change my diet or something… XD